Staying Determined
Friday, July 4, 2014
Hot Diggity, Dog Diggity: Staying Determined
Staying Determined
Today,
Joey Chestnut, the reigning Nathan’s champ since 2007, has done it again. Although
he is the undisputed Nathan’s champion, Takeru Kobayashi is perhaps the greatest competitive
eater of all time, Although Kobayashi
only weighs about 130 lbs., he holds several records, including six
Guinness Records, for eating hot dogs, meatballs, Twinkies, hamburgers, pizza and pasta. Years ago, Kobayashi changed the world of competitive eating at the Nathan’s
contest when he separated the hot dogs from the buns. Barry has a huge
amount of admiration for Kobayashi, and considers him to be the greatest
competitive eater of all time.
How can such a small man could eat so many hot dogs?
I’ll tell you. Like anything else, competitive eating is more about
determination than other things. In 2011, the much larger Chestnut scarfed down 62
hot dogs in 10 minutes to win at Coney Island while his rival, Kobayashi, ate
69 at a simultaneous event across town on a rooftop in midtown Manhattan. In
2012, Chestnut ate 68 hot dogs at Coney Island while Kobayashi ate 68.5 at a
bar in the Bushwick neighborhood of Brooklyn. Nathan’s officials dismissed both
records, but couldn’t dismiss the fact that Kobayashi out-ate Chestnut.
So why am I writing about hot
dogs in an ADHD blog? It’s about determination. It’s about finding your unique
niche. It’s about focus. It’s about not allowing obstacles to get in your way.
It’s not about competing directly against other, but competing with yourself. It’s
about achieving your personal best.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
It's
Where You Finish
When I
began writing this blog, I had hoped it would be a place to share helpful tips
for those living with ADHD. Quite frankly, the writing was tedious and somewhat
boring. So….I am taking a new direction. Not only do I coach people with ADHD,
I too, struggle with the disorder, and have done so for my entire life. I have
decided that sharing my experiences with ADHD, and how I have overcome some of
those challenges, would not only be helpful, but far more entertaining. J
I was
diagnosed, when, my then 7-year-old daughter was diagnosed. Her pediatric
neurologist looked at me and said, “You know where she got it from, right?” I was stunned. He
then said, “I bet you consume extremely large amounts of caffeine.” I did, and
still do. He told me I had been self-medicating for most of life. I had always wondered why caffeine
never kept me awake or gave me jitters. At that moment, I knew. And I suddenly thought…OY!
I learned a
lot from my daughter’s diagnosis. I have always sought out answers to the
unknown…still do. So true to form I read everything I could get my hands on.
The more I read, the more I saw myself. ADHD wasn't a known entity when I was a
child. The only people who were identified were overactive boys, and even then,
they were labeled “hyperactive” with no reference to attention deficit. I was
misunderstood, called lazy and impulsive, and was definitely not the favorite
child that my diligent organized sister was. Oh, I had the best of
intentions…just not the tools to bring them to fruition.
In the
years following that afternoon in the Dr’s office, I have looked back at how I have
handled some of the challenges associated with ADHD. I realized that although I
may be deficient in some areas of life, i.e., organization, focus, completion
of tasks, etc, I definitely excel at others. I am highly intelligent, have a huge
heart, and have a wicked sense of humor. My memory is insane…which is both a
blessing and a curse. I can be very logical, but can also see things in a way
that others do not. To put a positive spin on it…I think outside the box.
So,
although I spent much of my life being told I was screwing up, I now know that it just ain’t so. I have had to
deal with challenges that most of my family, friends and colleagues never encountered. My sister
will never understand why I can’t clean a room without being completely
overwhelmed…much the same way I will never understand how she can attack any
project and get it done in a few hours. Her brain just doesn't work the way
mine does…and never will. That doesn't make me a bad person…just a different
person.
That being
said, I have always gotten by. My intellect compensated for my lack of focus in
school and at work. My ability to switch into high gear at the last minute
compensated for my tendency to procrastinate. And my sense of humor and big
heart compensated for everything else.
As an ADHD
coach, I have learned how to devise strategies to help me survive in this crazy
fast-paced world. Although I am happy to
share some of those strategies, be advised that they may not work for you because there is not
a one-size-fits-all solution for the challenges associated with ADHD. This is
the reason why all of those self-help books usually do more dust gathering than
helping.
So in the blogs to follow, I will talk about how I was/am able to muddle through…emphasis on the word muddle. I have come a long way, and have devised some creative solutions to compensate for the challenges I have encountered on my journey through life. As Dorothy Fields wrote for the musical SEESAW… "It's Not Where You Start, It's Where You Finish"…and I intend to finish at the top!
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Turning Chaos
into Order:
How to
Calm the
Chaos
in Your Life
in
Four Easy Steps
Becoming organized has so many benefits.
Perhaps the greatest is the ability to turn days filled with chaos into days of focus and effectiveness. Imagine how liberating it would be if you didn’t have to spend hours searching for misplaced items. Imagine how peaceful your days would be if you weren’t surrounded by clutter. Imagine how nice it would be to finally have the time to do the things you enjoy.
Organization is more than keeping
things neat,
Below are four easy steps to calming
the chaos in your life:
1.
Have a place for
everything. This habit applies to your things,
paper clutter, electronic clutter, and your activities.
·
Try to limit yourself to just three email
accounts. I have one for business, one for personal emails, and one for
promotional emails. The last account has drastically reduced the volume of my
personal email account. I never liked the idea of giving out my personal email
address to stores, but I didn’t want to miss out on the coupons. Now I know
exactly where to go if I feel a shopping spree coming on.
·
Find a solution
for your scheduling. The best advice
I can give you is to use ONE planner. I use a small pocket-sized planner that I
carry with me ALL the time. If it’s not in my calendar, it doesn’t exist. It’s
ok to transfer things to another calendar if other people need the information.
For example, some families keep a calendar in a common area that includes the
schedules of all family members. Just be sure that your personal calendar is
your MASTER calendar, and refer to it when scheduling any events.
If
you have a smart phone, and are comfortable with trusting an electronic device,
it makes sense to take advantage of this technology. I still like to have
things in writing…just in case. I do, however, use my iPhone as an additional
source for reminders. There is a sticky note app that I just love, and the
notes are all in one place!
·
Keep your physical areas clean. Use
baskets, folders, bulletin boards, shelves, etc. to organize your things. Be as
detailed as you can when dealing with your possessions. Come up with a system
that works for you. There’s no reason to spend 30+ minutes over the course of a
single day searching for items.
2.
Put items away immediately.
Organized people tend to put things
away immediately…disorganized people, not so much. It’s only after enough
clutter piles up that they have enough discomfort to do anything about it.
Then, it becomes a major project. And…we all know how people with ADHD are with
major projects.
·
When you grab your mail, go through it
and file it immediately. Leave a small a wastebasket at the door. Open your
mail as soon as you get inside the house. If you are anything like me…most of
it is junk. I strongly suggest you consider going paperless. It’s a lot easier
to deal with mail clutter when it doesn’t get delivered on a daily basis.
·
Have a place for everything so you’ll
be able to find it every time. AND… when you’re done using something, put it
away. Immediately. Every time. Just do it! If you practice this behavior for
several weeks, it will become a habit and you won’t have to think about doing
it.
·
List that appointment in your system as
soon as you schedule it. This is why I always have my planner with me. Oh sure,
you say you’ll do it later, but I’m guessing you usually forget. Trust me when I say, in order for an
organizational system to work, you have to use it…in a timely manner.
3.
Have a daily routine. People with ADHD need structure to survive, much like a
baby. Routines are a good way to develop habits, and once those habits are
developed, they will become second nature.
·
There are many things that only take a
few minutes if they’re done regularly. Daily maintenance can save the
aggravation of a big job later on, so don’t let things pile up. Instead of
switching channels during commercials, use that time to put five things away.
It’s amazing how much you’ll have accomplished by the end of your favorite
show.
·
Load the dishwasher before you go to
bed. Make lunches the night before so you don’t have to scramble in the
morning. Make sure your tote bag and the kids’ backpacks are ready to go
(permission slips signed, etc.) and by the door.
·
Build in an extra hour for yourself. “Me”
time is just as important as everything ells on your list.
4.
Create your
to-do list each night. Keep the list
inside your planner. Starting the day without a plan is like starting a road
trip without a map or a GPS. It’s far
more challenging to get anything done when you have no idea of what it is that
needs to get done. Before ending your day, spend a few minutes and list
everything you’d like to accomplish. Prioritize your list for time and/or
urgency, and work on only ONE task at a time. Once you have completed that
task, re-prioritize and repeat the process.
Maybe it’s time to finally get
organized and get your life and your clutter under control. Find your own
system because that’s the only way it will work for YOU. You’ll be more
relaxed, less stressed, more productive, more effective, and a better partner,
parent and friend. Developing a couple of effective habits can really
make a huge difference in your ability to stay focused on what’s most important
to you!
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Have
you ever
taken a ride on the
Clutter-Go-Round?
Have you ever heard the saying, a cluttered mind is the sign of a cluttered life? If you are a person living with ADHD, the opposite can also be true…a cluttered life can be the sign of a cluttered mind. ADHD symptoms such as procrastination, forgetfulness, poor time management, and general disorganization are a huge challenge to people living with ADHD. As a result, tasks, both simple and complex, often lead to an unwanted collection of chores, bills, and things. A cluttered mind and a cluttered life, working in tandem, can create a vicious circle of clutter…a clutter-go-round that never stops to let its passengers off.
ADHD and clutter, both physical and emotional,
often go hand in hand. For a person with an ADHD brain, physical clutter + emotional
clutter =CHAOS! The chaos resulting from all this “stuff” can be very damaging
to your life and relationships. Both types of clutter can cause you to lose
focus and have difficulty concentrating, which can lead to you having to work
longer to complete simple tasks. Clutter can cause injuries, missed deadlines,
lost objects and chronic lateness. Yes, clutter can adversely affect your
productivity and eat away at your time, which usually results in feelings of
frustration and anger.
If you are someone with ADHD, clutter isn’t necessarily
confined to your home; it likely spills over into every aspect of your life,
professionally and socially. Clutter can affect your performance at work.
Clutter can impair your ability to manage your children’s school activities,
ordinary business transactions, and interactions with those in your community.
Clutter can negatively influence relationships with friends and family. Clutter
can keep you socially isolated as well…because you don’t want others to see the
pandemonium in which you exist. A disorganized environment can make you feel
overwhelmed, which often leads to stress and/or anxiety.
So why not attack your clutter? The simple
answer is…a person with ADHD doesn’t function in the same way that a non-ADHDer
does. As much as your friends and family advise you to de-clutter, not understanding
how you can live in such chaos, most ADHDers cannot look at a disorganized room
and just decide to do something about it. All those self-help books that you
bought because “this was the one that was going to work” only add to the
clutter. What works for the masses, simply does not work for you. Not only is
the cleaning process confusing and time consuming, but it is also emotionally
draining.
If you are like me, you have read enough books
about eliminating/organizing clutter to make your ADHD head spin. You have
purchased planners, organizers, bins, shelves, containers, and whatever else
would help you put your environment in order once and for all. I bet it has cost
you a lot of money over the years…without helping. I can’t tell you how to
de-clutter your life, because mainstream organizing tips do not work with an
ADHD mind, and there is not a one-size-fits-all method of de-cluttering an ADHD
life. I can, however, offer some suggestions to get you started.
Again…I am not going to give you cleaning or
organizing tips…because they won’t work. The only thing that will help you
de-clutter your life is to come up with YOUR OWN game plan to sort things out.
That being said, here are a few steps you can take to de-clutter your life.
1.
Own the clutter – make
it yours. You have to accept your clutter in order to come up with your own
perfect solutions. Ask yourself how the clutter got there in the first place,
and then attack the very behavior that is causing the pile-up.
2.
Ask yourself…if you
could have things just the way you would like to have them…what would that do
for you. What would an organized environment feel like, both environmentally
and emotionally? What are you missing out on because of the clutter in your
life? Visualize a de-cluttered life.
Imagine, as specifically as you can, how you will feel. Imagine what it will be
like not to waste hours looking for missing keys and papers. Imagine what you
can do in all the free time you will gain by not digging through piles of
stuff. I bet it feels pretty good.
3.
Identify the barriers
you are facing regarding eliminating the clutter in your life. Figure out what
is causing you to get stuck. What is getting in your way and preventing you
from living an uncluttered life. Is it lack of storage, laziness, time? There
is a very real chance that you are in denial about what might actually causing
you to be stuck, and you won’t be able to change your habits until you are
ready to face them head on.
4.
Ask yourself…what impact
is this clutter having on you, your relationships, your business, etc? What is
the worst part about having all this clutter? How long have you been living a
cluttered life? What are you losing because of your clutter? Time, money, a
chaos-free life? If you don’t do something about the clutter, what else will
you lose?
5.
Imagine yourself living
a clutter-free life. Be specific with the details. How will your life be
different? How will it feel?
You aren’t alone.
There are many, many people, with and without ADHD, whose lives are being
controlled by clutter. YOU can take back the control by having crystal clear
written goals, developing an action plan, having greater personal awareness and
identifying your hidden challenges. Add a shot of extreme motivation, and you
will be on your way to finally getting off the clutter-go-round!
Sunday, January 12, 2014
New Year, New You
New Year,
New You?
New Year,
New You!
The ball dropped less than two weeks ago in NYC,
symbolizing the beginning of a New Year. For many, the New Year is symbolic
fresh starts…a time when many, if not most, people make New Year’s Resolutions…promises
to do better in the coming year. If you are like me, the dropping ball has
often been a metaphor for crushed failures of the previous year…failures which often
happen within weeks after those resolutions are made. By now, most people have
compromised those ubiquitous January promises. Although people have the best
intentions when making their New Year’s Resolutions, the success rate is less
than 15%. Perhaps the success rate would be higher if we approached the concept
of these goals or promises in different way.
The most important thing to remember is not to become
overwhelmed by New Year’s Resolutions. Accept your anxiety. Often times,
anxiety just leads to more anxiety, so don’t fight it. Go with the flow, and
this too shall pass. Below are a few suggestions to help you keep those New
Year’s Resolutions…once and for all.
- Change your thought process. Work from the inside out. What you tell yourself is just as important as what you do. Work on your self-talk in order to minimize those limiting beliefs. If you don’t believe you can accomplish your goals, you probably won’t. It is important to give yourself positive reinforcement. Tell yourself, as often as you can, that you can do whatever it is you want to accomplish. When it feels like you are running out of steam, take a cue from “The Little Engine That Could” and keep telling yourself, “I think I can, I think I can,” A positive attitude and approach produces much more successful results than “I can’t."
- Focus on behaviors that will help you achieve your goal, rather than the goal itself. If you gradually change your actions, the end result you desire will be achieved within time. Set yourself up for success, rather than failure. Small steps lead to longer journeys. The trick is to make your journey sustainable along the way.
- Try not to multitask. We are a society that has to do ten things at once. Some people are very skilled at doing several things at one time…most are not. The result usually being that nothing gets completed at all. Focus on one thing at a time and stick with it until it is finished before starting on the next task. You will probably find that by focusing on just one task at a time, you actually get more done.
- Have a strong commitment to change your behavior in order to change your outcomes. If you are not determined to keep your resolutions, you won’t. Put your resolutions in writing…it usually makes things more real when you put it to paper. Yes…paper. Don’t put it into an electronic device…although it’s not a bad idea to use that as a backup. WRITE your commitment. Feel the pen as it forms the words of your promise to yourself. Say the words as you write them. Then…put the paper in a place where you will see it several times a day.
- Schedule a time to work on your resolution and stick to it. “Exercising more” is a very vague goal. Walking on the treadmill at 7:30 AM on weekdays is more specific. The more you can narrow your goal, the more likely you are to follow through.
- Focus on today without worrying about tomorrow. Focus on the task that you are doing NOW. The only way you will be able to achieve your goal is to focus in the moment. Forget everything else for just 15 minutes and work on the task at hand. When that 15 minutes is up…do the same thing for 15 more minutes. See how long you can do this without losing concentration. It is a lot easier, and far less overwhelming, to attack goals when you bite off smaller pieces. You don’t eat a slice of cake in one bite; however, you usually manage to finish the whole thing. Apply this principle to your resolutions, and notice how much easier it is.
- Try to figure out what your obstacles are and devise a plan to overcome them as they arise. For example, if you have a tendency to answer every text message right away, you might turn off your phone while you are working on your resolutions.
- Keep track of your progress. Even the tiniest forward movement is reason for celebration. Set up a reward system…not just for reaching your ultimate goal, but for smaller successes along the way.
- Allow for some missteps without giving up entirely. One of the reasons people don’t succeed with long-term goals is that they give up completely if they have any small moment of failure. It’s ok to not be perfect as long as you get yourself back on track as soon as possible. Give yourself permission to fail on a smaller scale, but promise yourself that it won’t be a death knell for your ultimate goal.
Even if you have already “blown it”…it’s not too late to
start again. We have to stop being so quick to negate our accomplishments with
our shortcomings. It’s all a matter of perspective, and if you acknowledge even
the tiniest of achievements, you will set yourself in motion to accomplish your
bigger, long-term goals. Breathe and reboot. Tomorrow is another day.
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